Floracion

To My Dearest One

2011-08-09T21:48:00.000-07:00

"You and I live in different worlds spinning around each other in a patterned orbit that draws us close but keeps us from ever meeting."

Excerpt from Earth Traveler by Sammuel T. Gladding

A Psalm

2010-07-16T10:02:00.000-07:00

Not All Who Wander Are Lost
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Religion and Philosophy

To: Jesus
From: My heart in a dark time

A Psalm to my LORD based on Psalm 90

"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God."
You have waited patiently and quietly for my heart and my love since before time began. Planning our love story from start to finish with the same hands that commanded the heavens to open and pour forth your wrath upon the earth in Noah’s time.
The same eyes that cause men to stumble and curse the day they were born look tenderly upon this pale frame with gentle care. The same blazing eyes of passionate anger that could have returned me to dust instead wept for me on the cross as you cried out in your suffering. "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"
Your mighty hand that has destroyed peoples, parted seas and raised the dead to life reaches down to hold mine. To reassure me that everything is going to be ok and show me that I have not been left alone.
Before the stars knew where to stand in the sky, you planned my name, my face, my voice. You breathed your life in to my spirit, started my heart beating and arranged the very hour of my birth into this life, to these parents with this story to tell.
The voice that is the sound of a thousand crashing waves and yet quieter than the pause before waking; the voice that speaks and all obey, that commands life and it is given, the voice that speaks creation and it is realized, is calling my name. It is whispering loving words to a wounded heart and all I can say is...

Thank You.

Nostalgia

2010-07-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

Today I cleaned up my old myspace page (that I haven't used in over a year) so that I could cancel my account and came upon some fun posts from of old. I'd like to share them here.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

It needed to be said
Current mood: angry
Category: Blogging

Dear Body
This is mind. Please pull your Psychosomatic S*** together. We have work to do.
Threateningly,
Your Conscious Self

A childlike faith
Current mood: exhausted

So today I found myself in the perplexing act of saying to a very creepy man "It's nice to meet you" when what I really meant to say was "Fuck off!". Naturally this paradox set me to wandering down the now familiar streets of self-hatred, analyzation and rage in which I asked some of the following questions; What in me told me that I had to be nice when I really didn't want to be? and is it really being nice to lie straight out to this man? Is there a way to be honest and polite? Are there circumstances where politeness should not be the priority? How do we discern which situations are which and when and how did I learn to ignore that important all too important intuitive voice that warns me of danger? And then the word learning got me thinking of teaching and teaching made me think of work and then this is where I went next.

Sometimes I wish I was more like my kids. There is absolutely nothing censored about the rage they express at someone taking their toy, or calling them a name or hitting them. If they feel disrespected or threatened they will let you know and they will take action to defend themselves. That could mean kicking you in the shins, throwing wooden a block at your head or biting your face. Their temper tantrums are also awe inspiring to watch. How could someone so small and in existance for such a short time express that much emotion and sustain it at such intensity for such an extended amount of time?

Now, the adult and P.C. LN side agrees with you that this is unacceptable behavior. But there is also a quieter and often overlooked side of myself that mourns everytime I tell one of these children to use their nice words (ie Nice to meet you) or be nice to everyone (what about people who are hurting you?) or to never tell their teacher no (what if someday down the road their teacher or someone else in authority abuses them? Have I helped lay the groundwork for them to be afraid to speak up or tell them to stop). I grieve that perhaps I am teaching these kids the same damaging habit of supressing their very real and legitimate feelings that I am now trying so hard to unlearn. It's one thing to teach those principles to an adult with a developed moral schema who can determine when and how to apply said principles (yeah right) as well as figure out in what cases exceptions to the rule will need to be made. It's another matter all together for me the push these absolutes on toddlers who are so young and impressionable and trusting. Yet it's all I know. So I trudge on and think to myself "sometimes I wish I were 2 again".

The way they express themselves might not always be pretty but at least it's honest. And it's only when we are truely honest about who we are and what we feel that we can make any move toward goodness.

LN the Felon
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Life
A definition from Dictionary.com

Fel•on1 [fel-uhn] -noun-
1. Law. a person who has committed a felony.
2. Archaic. a wicked person.
–adjective
3. Archaic. wicked; malicious; treacherous.

I always suspected this nickname to be fitting for me but now I have proof.

At roughly 6:15pm on Wednesday December 27, 2006 two police officers arrrived at my parents' home hoping to take me in for a recent purse robbery. My darling mother answered the door and then, understandably shaken, came to find me in the back room where I was wrapping some late Christmas presents. "LN, two policmen are here with some pictures of you at a gas pump and they'd like to talk to you."

Needless to say I was more than a little confused. Especially because I did not remember having gone to a gas station that day.

I was correct in thinking that I had not been to buy gas. The pictures were from a security camera at a local carwash where I had stopped to vacuum out my car earlier that day. It was an anticipatory attempt to avoid embarassment later in the evening when I would be going out with an attractive, older, longtime guy friend.

Unfortunately for me, the camera angle, while catching my license plate with perfect clarity, was unable to catch any activity that occured to the west side of the vaccuum machine where a stolen purse had been dumped and later recovered. So while I was innocently throwing away trash out of my vehicle I came off as a jerk teenager dumping a purse that had been reported stolen earlier.

Fortunately for me, I did not steal the purse and was therefore able to answer the officers' questions and they did not cart me away to jail.

I remembered seeing the purse, was able to describe it and also explain my behavior on the tape (I was throwing away trash not stashing or handling the purse and my suspicious move from one side of the machine to the other turned out to be a move of convenience so that the dirtier side of my car was easier to vacuum out.). However, I really think it wasn't until they discovered the fact that I was at a movie with my sister when the robbery occured that they were finally convinced that I wasn't who they were looking for.

Moral of the story: Even our most seemingly insignificant actions have grand consequences. Who would have supposed that vacuuming my car could have gotten me mixed up in a crime or that watching a movie with my sister would have proven my innocence?

In such moments of realization I am awed by the need for grace and overwhelmingly grateful for it in my life.

Does This Child Belong to You?
Current mood: crazy
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

We have a policy at my job (a very good policy) that requires us to check the picture ID of anyone we have not personally met that comes to pick up a child. Most of the time this takes about two minutes and is only mildly annoying for parents and slightly uncomfortable for teachers. I had quite a different exprience the other day.

During nap time on the last day before Christmas break a strange man enters my room and informs me he's here to pick up Susie *(note here that names have been changed for confidentiality purposes). I think to myself "That's wierd. Susie's mom is a widow and as far as I know there are no men in her life." but what I said outloud and a little less charitably than I meant it was "I've never seen you before. I'm going to have to ask you for picture ID".

At this point he begins to look a little nervous and tells me that he left his ID in the car and asks if he can use his pay stub with his name on it instead. I glance at the sheet to catch his name- Bob- and then shoot him a withering glare before sending him to his car to get picture ID.

I make good use of the time he is away to check Susie's file. I find that there is no Bob listed on the pick up list. I pause here to fight down a wave of nausea. It doesn't pass but I decide to proceed anyway since Bob will be back any minute and I need to call Mom first.

So I call Susie's mom, Molly* and inform her "There's a Bob here to pick up Susie. Did you send him?". To which mom replies,"uh... no. I don't know anyone named Bob." I begin to feel really ill and mumble something incoherent to Mom in an attempt to rassure her that I will handle the situation; all the while I'm imagining Bob returning armed and crazy. I'm wondering if I have the strength of character to fight him off. "Who tries to steal little children anyway?" I indignantly ask, finally getting some anger worked up.

Bob returns. I check his ID. He really is Bob. I tell him he's not on the pick up list and that I've already talked to Susie's Mom Molly and she'll be the one picking her up.He looks disgruntled and confused and asks "You talked to who?"

Suddenly, it dawns on me. Bob's last name looks very familiar...infact, I remember seeing it on a DIFFERENT classroom list. I decide to proceed with caution incase my hunch is wrong.

"Which Susie is it that you are here to pick up?" My voice trembles as I ask. "Susie Smith" he answers and I about pass out with shame and embarrassment. "Susie Smith is in Miss R's class across the hall." I then explain that we also have a Susie in our class which is why I was confused. I apologize profusely and then make the even more embarassing phone call to Susie's mom to explain the mix up and assure her that there is no strange man is trying to kindnap her child.

"Way to be paranoid." I lecture myself grateful that things got sorted out while I head up to the break room for a much needed chocolate break.

A Poem

2010-05-24T20:01:00.001-07:00

You are emptiness
You are space
You are disappointment and half formed hates
You are loneliness and nagging aches
You are maybes and likes to take
Quietly average
My heart breaks

Reasons Why Being Single is Better

2010-05-13T11:02:00.000-07:00

1. I can wear glossy, glittery, flavored lip gloss and there is no one to complain about it.

2. I don't feel obligated to shave my legs every day.

3. I save money!

4. I don't have to pretend to care about cars, car parts or anything related to their maintenance.

5. More sleep!

6. Healthier meals!

7. More time with friends!

8.I'm free to travel and meet new people.

9. I can go to Grad school and not have to worry about fitting in time for a boyfriend.

And most importantly...

10. I'm back in control of the remote.

Bathroom Fail

2010-04-27T13:37:00.000-07:00

So today, I innocently wander into the work restroom to take care of business only to somehow break the toilet so that it doesn't flush. I keep calm (a hard feat when changing medications, as I always turn into a rager whenever I am transitioning) and take apart the top of the toilet like my co-worker so patiently taught me recently. I roll up my sleeves, grit my teeth and plunge my hand into the murky tank water to grab the detached chain. As I do so the bathroom air freshener falls with a loud clatter and sickening splash into the pee filled toilet bowl. Naturally I let out a rather forceful expletive this point after which I resigned myself to fishing around in urine water for the can. Somehow I managed to reassemble the toilet and spent about 10 minutes washing my hands. Imagine my horror then, upon discovering that the entire ordeal was overheard not only by my boss but her boss as well. I may not have a job by the end of today.

New Adventure

2010-04-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

Assuming I don't blow the GRE in three weeks, I've been offered provisional acceptance to graduate school to study counseling. I'm terrified and ecstatic all at once!

More Food for Thought

2010-04-21T14:26:00.001-07:00

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.
- Bertrand Russell

Snapshots from the last few months

2010-04-21T10:32:00.000-07:00

Growing Pains

2010-02-14T16:00:00.000-08:00

Every woman fears that she will gow up to be her mother. While my own mother and I share many traits in common, I have always taken comfort in the fact I do not own a huge purse or take a million vitamins. Sadly, that is no longer true. Here is picture proof that I have indeed become my mother:

1.

2.

Good thing my mother is actually a pretty cool lady that I'd be lucky to be mistaken for.

Things I would Rather Be Doing Than Working

2010-02-02T15:00:00.000-08:00

1. My taxes
2. Trying out my new crockpot
3. Splashing in puddles
4. Naping
5. Getting the oil changed in my car
6. Washing, vacuming and dusting my car
7. Getting the windshield on my car replaced
8. Studying for the GRE
9. Making homemade margaritas
10.Cuddling

Lamentations

2009-12-15T14:58:00.000-08:00

I hate snow. My body hurts and my personal life currently calls for all sorts of communication skills that I don't feel like mustering up the energy to use. End of lament.

This Week's Most Successful Sweet Potato Recipe

2009-12-12T22:06:00.000-08:00

Cajun-Roasted Sweet Potatoes

1-1 1/4 pounds sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into 1-inch chunks
2 Tablespoons canola oil
2 Tablespoons bottled Cajun seasoning

Heat oven to 400 degrees. Toss sweet potatoes with oil and seasoning; spread in a single layer on a baking sheet. Roast until cooked through and browned in spots, about 25 minutes. Makes 2-4 servings.

This week's vegetable: Green Beans

Thanksgiving

2009-12-07T14:20:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite Holiday and not just because of the obvious reason that I have a nationally endorsed excuse to eat tons of food. I love the fact that my extended family comes to stay with us, that we play all my favorite card games and stay up late talking and drinking wine. I love the cross country ski trips and the way that we take time every year to give Thanks in a new way. So needless to say, I was more than a little surprised to find myself unexcited to head home for Thanksgiving this year. "Surely you're just tired after travel season." I told myself. "And 8 hours really is a long time to be in the car by yourself," chimed in my happy to keep LN in denial voice. Bolstered by such logical and encouraging reassurances I ignored my growing unease and headed home.

And there was much fun to be had:

Good food and good company...

Stunning natural beauty...

Creative forms of exercise...

And even a little impromptu Holiday Dance Party action.

However, I still found it difficult to be home. It's painful to watch people I care about make the same bad choices year after year and it's discouraging to find myself just as immature as I was the last Thanksgiving. And the one before that. And the one before that... Family is hard.

I find it hard enough to exists as myself on a daily basis with all my emotions and thoughts, religious convictions and limited life goals. Then, during the holidays, I mix in 8 other people with their emotions and goals and convictions and weaknesses and things get complicated quickly. Just deciding what's for dinner becomes a major task. Aunt Super Health Freak is insisting on stir frying everything in coconut oil because it's healthier, while Mr. I Haven't Eaten A Vegetable Voluntarily Since 1953 and I'm Not About to Start Now is insisting on bacon fried hash browns. This brings out tears and a moral lecture from the Vegetarian followed by an uproar from the Non-Dairy contingent (of which I am a member) insisting that regardless of what is cooked, soy milk be used to substitute for any dairy products in the recipe. Never mind that two of the eight family members just had surgery and can barely open their mouths to eat in the first place.

Mostly, we make it through.

Someone suggests making tofu sausage to mix with the non-dairy stir fry vegetables and someone else offers to mash some potatoes. Uncle King of the Kitchen whips up a little gravy and before we know it we have a meal that everyone can eat. After we finish everyone helps themselves to two pieces of pie for dessert.

And maybe that's what family really is. A messy group of people that somehow keep finding a way to get everyone fed and occassionally agree on the important things in life; like pie.

Ln, Julie, Julia and Vegetables - A challenge...

2009-12-07T13:15:00.000-08:00

I was recently inspired by friends and film to learn how to cook. I am hoping to increase my skill set, lower my monthly food budget, increase my health and just generally slow down and enjoy one of the better things in life; food.

To aid me in the reaching of the above goals I have decided to copy my dear friend Julie from Julie and Julia and issue myself a challenge. Due to the fact that I have both less time and less motivation than Julie my challenge only involves incorporating one new vegetable into my diet each week. I hope to use the book below as a guide:

Last week I took on Broccolli. This week: Sweet Potato.

Reading Season

2009-12-04T10:28:00.000-08:00

This made my day today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DFJ2j3206k

Seemingly Upset

2009-06-04T08:20:00.000-07:00

You know you might not have the best day ahead of you when you go to get in your car and this happens:

You've Gotta Be Kidding Me.

2009-05-20T13:37:00.000-07:00

Some of you may remember my short lived efforts at taking an accounting class last summer. I was hoping to enter the MBA program at the University where I currently work, thus getting myself ahead in the world. Today, I got the below e-mail:

"Hi LN,

With the undergraduate year over, I was reviewing the MBA prerequisites. I noticed you had taken the first financial accounting test, but didn’t get a passing score. I have reset the test for you. Let me know if you need to meet with me and we can go over any topics you want me to cover! The course will need to be completed in order to enroll in the MBA accounting course.

Your Accounting Professor"

'Too bad I e-mailed you 5 months ago, Accounting professor who is also the master of poor communication and unprofessionalism, asking what I needed to do to pass.'

I have since moved on and am taking pre-requisites for a Masters in Counseling.

Some San Francisco Fun

2009-05-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

How the evening began...

and ended.

Some Northern California Fun

2009-04-30T15:50:00.000-07:00

"Good Day Sunshine"

2009-04-14T22:11:00.000-07:00

And this is what greeted me on the ride home...

Talk about your mood swings.

Over the River and Through the Woods

2009-04-14T08:43:00.001-07:00

This is what greeted me on my way to work this morning...

It's freaking April people!

Core 150 Revisited

2009-03-23T00:32:00.000-07:00

Recently, my small group and I have dredged up some timeless questions in response to some of our reading.

Who are you ?
Why do you exist?
What does it matter?

Thanks to my excellent college education, I didn't have to ponder these questions for long before the answers became clear to me.

Don't be fooled by this one. Everyone knows that you are what you eat.
"You see, when a man loves a woman and they are in a committed loving relationship..."
It doesn't, unless you are majoring in philosophy, in which case, it's probably best if you switch from metaphysics to physics so that you have a chance at getting a job some day.

The Best Part of Having a Birthday is the Food

2009-03-21T13:32:00.001-07:00

Another Question to Ponder

2009-03-12T17:11:00.001-07:00

Is God a punishing God? Why or why not?

Winter Wonderland

2009-03-11T09:57:00.000-07:00

On my way to work t the other day, I passed three Turkeys gobbling away in a neighbor's yard. The next day I was surprised and delighted to see a partridge cross the road on his way to finding a pear tree. Then, today, a frantic doe bounced her way through the parking lot of our office. That almost makes up for the fact that there is fresh snow on the ground in March.

(Please note the ice hanging from the roof)

The front entry way at work

Parking lot snow mounds

Here's a Question for All the Jesus Lovers Out There

2009-03-02T21:09:00.000-08:00

"How does a Christian live free, knowing that they've been saved by God for a purpose, while still following His Commandments?"

Cook Books Can be Fun!

2009-02-19T21:32:00.000-08:00

While reading up on how to make Japanese Goulash and Poppycock this evening, I found this little gem on on the bottom of page eighty; "Face powder may catch a man but baking powder will keep him!"

I love this cookbook!

I am going here

2009-01-26T17:49:00.000-08:00

in 6 days. Thank God!

Choose Your Attitude?

2009-01-23T15:56:00.000-08:00

I hate everyone and everything today and I'm pretty sure it's all chemical or hormonal. How is that possible or even remotely ok?!

0 for 2

2009-01-19T17:20:00.000-08:00

"To be, or not to be; that is the question".

Do I keep at this accursed accounting deal until I pass no matter how much it costs because I need/want/am called to get a Masters in Business or do I recognize that this isn't my strength and try for something else? Maybe a Masters in Counseling or Teaching or Underwater Basket Weaving? It's a much more complicated question than I originally thought.

Many of the greats wouldn't be who they were if they had a let a few little set backs stop them (ie Michael Jordan, Einstein, Thomas Edison, Helen Keller etc.) along the way. But let's be honest here, am I really on the Jordan Einstein Edison Keller level in ability and drive? Also, there are plenty of examples of idiots who just didn't know when to quit throughout history too; probably more examples of those than anyone who we consider to have succeeded. So, how do we know when to call it quits and when to push through? Where do we draw the line between determination and insanity?

I've never believed (but always wanted to) the "You can be anything you want to be as long as you work hard enough" line. There are just too many pre-determined factors. Instead we should be telling our kids "You can be the best at one thing if you work really hard at it, already have some talent in that area, have the sensibility to recognize your potential and the monetary and emotional support to pursue a future in that area". I think this is a much more realistic approach. But even taking this approach, there are a lot of factors that have to fall into place. And so, I find myself at a loss for the ability to recognize my one talent, limited support and resources to pursue it if I knew what it was, only moderate motivation to be great, and a very strong temptation to be average at a lot of things rather than incredible at one thing. Just call me a sheep and shove me into the middle of the flock where I always swore I'd never go.

Wish me Luck- Take II

2009-01-17T16:22:00.000-08:00

So, the first test didn't go so well but through the miraculous kindness of my Professor I get another chance this weekend. I've been bringing out all the stops on studying this time by recruiting accountants, managers and future accountants to my aid. I feel infinitely more confident and hope that the 20 some odd hours of studying will pay off soon.

To be continued...

Wish Me Luck!

2008-12-20T10:58:00.001-08:00

Today I attempt to pass my online accounting final. I'm pretty scared. I'll let you know how it goes.

Typo Fun

2008-11-18T10:59:00.000-08:00

A student e-mailed me yesterday to say " I resent my letter of recommendation today." While he may in fact resent having to send me a letter of recommendation, what I think he meant to say was that he re-sent me his letter of recommendation. Mostly I thought it was cute.

It is not, however, cute when employed high school counselors describe their students as having great "composer and grace" unless they are in fact referring to the musical talent of their student and not, as was this case, to their maturity.

Ah... Productivity.

2008-11-17T13:41:00.000-08:00

Today, I opened an emergency fund savings account, made $25 free dollars, committed to getting a Masters in Business Administration, got caught up on all my work e-mails, encouraged a friend, arranged a lunch date and ate two burritos and a taco for lunch. It's been a successful day.

Road Rage

2008-10-22T19:46:00.000-07:00

I would like to take back my previous comments about terrible Portland drivers. I still think they are terrible but as Bianca so wisely pointed out, it's not because they drive quickly. They are horrible because they all drive the wrong speed in the wrong lane! The people in the slow lanes drive fast and the people in the fast lanes drive slow which clogs up all three lanes and traps anyone stupid enough to try and change lanes in between the two.

I personally think that it all boils down to an inability to see the big picture and an unwillingness to cooperate. In California if you are three lanes to the left and you realize you need to exit people let you in and go around you while you are being the crazy driver. They are annoyed but they understand that sometimes people screw up and they just go around you. There is no honking or angry gestures, just people taking care of business.

In Oregon, everyone speeds up to block you from changing lanes and then when you finally are forced to run them off the road or slam on your breaks just to get over (even though you've had your blinker on for the last 4 miles), they lay on their horns, flip you off and follow you off the exit 15 miles out of their way just so they can continue bawling you out. Good thing they were the idiots who wouldn't let you over in the first place. It enrages me on a regular basis. I got so angry the other day after a man in a huge truck was giving me a hard time that I drove the wrong way into a one way exit just so I could yell back at him.

Also, I think that truck drivers in Oregon should be arrested for reckless driving. Instead of driving 10 miles under the speed limit in the far right lane like they are supposed to, they spread across the middle and far left lanes (where fast cars like me are supposed to be able to pass them) driving the speed limit and thus effectively block any one's ability and slowing down traffic considerably. They also tend to change lanes without signaling; especially if you are trying to pass them going uphill on a blind curb. ARGH!

I should probably look into alternative methods of travel before I kill someone. Or myself.

Complaints

2008-10-15T14:27:00.001-07:00

I want a baby and I have non-stress induced insomnia. I don't think the two are related.

Really?!

2008-10-03T16:47:00.000-07:00

I am staying in the Ghetto. No really. There was a carving knife next to the computer on the front desk when I checked in. I noticed it right after the front desk guy finished telling me how freaked out he was to be alone at the desk at night in this neighborhood. Also, my door doesn't have a room number; just a piece of paper with a number typed on it that's taped to the front. The door also only locks if you pull it inward and slide the bolt at exactly the same moment that you lift up on the door handle.

I'm too tired to care anymore and at least I don't have to stay here alone. Ms. Wonderful from our office agreed to help me out with the fair this weekend and she is being an awfully good sport; especially because we are the only women in the hotel. Maybe I'll pop over to the gas station next door and grab myself a beverage to cheer myself up. In the meantime I've booby trapped the door and demanded that the front desk fix my lock ASAP.

Thought Shots

2008-10-02T22:31:00.000-07:00

I often wonder how I, who is slightly paranoid and jumpy, seem to find myself in exactly the unlikely situations that I fear will happen but never do for anyone other than me.
For any of you who have been considering a career in exotic dancing but have hesitated for fear that you don't have the desirable body type; fear no more! There is a niche for us in Oregon at the Jiggly Dancers Club. Yes!
Watching the Vice-Presidential debates tonight inspired me to reflect on my preference for entertainment over things that are true and/or good.
The following quote from William Young's book, The Shack, could potentially change my life "It is true that relationships are a whole lot messier than rules, but rules will never give you answers to the deep questions of your heart and they will never love you."

Oxygen, Dirty Restrooms and a Plea for Justice

2008-09-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

You know what I think should be a crime? Charging someone to use the restroom.

Making me pay 5 bucks or buy a food item just to use the bathroom facilities is as ridiculous as putting a tax on oxygen inhalation. Regular access to a bathroom is a survival necessity common to all of us; like breathing.

It is a sad injustice to demand pay for a service that should be readily available to all.

Just One of Those Days

2008-09-17T21:39:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those days where everything inexplicably goes right? You miss your bus only to be picked up by Johnny Depp in his personal limo or you trip over a mysterious briefcase in the parking lot on your way into the office which ends up containing super secret information that government is willing to pay an exorbitant amount of money to have returned, for example. Well, so far, my first few days on the road have been down right magical. I ask and God provides. I don't even know to ask and it's already provided. Today the guy really outdid Himself. I was looking for a place to pull over to read my book in the shade while I waited for my next High School visit when, lo and behold, what should I spot in front of me? A beautiful, peaceful, shady street with the name Ellen Park. So I did.

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

2008-09-16T21:29:00.000-07:00

Now that I have a GPS, I find that I am in love with driving in California . I know that sounds crazy but I love the speed, the spontaneous lane changes, and the way that the cars look like lines of thread being woven into complex patterns on a loom. I am challenged and stimulated by the creativity and planning that is required to safely navigate through traffic and I find that I feel more at home in this fast paced, almost arrogant atmosphere, than I have in a long time. That probably means I should buy a motorcycle. Immediately.

It's 5 O'clock Somewhere

2008-09-14T21:19:00.000-07:00

After an unexpectedly long day of travel, I arrived at my hotel to check in and was pleasantly surprised to learn about the newly concieved hotel happy hour that was to be held on the following evening. Free beer, wine and appetizers from 6-7:30pm in the breakfast room. What a fascinating idea...

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to partake as I had a previously scheduled meeting during the aforementioned festivity. However, I am still intrigued and plan on coming back next year to participate in the phenomena.

Inexplicable

2008-08-23T14:41:00.000-07:00

So, my first time giving blood did not go well. I nearly passed out 5 times, nearly vomited twice, and the nurses had to use smelling salts to keep me conscious more than once.

I felt tremendously guilty and weak as they buzzed around nervously mumbling about my dropping blood pressure and casting anxious glances my way. I tried to make them happy by wiggling my feet a lot and coughing into my shoulder which is supposed to keep one's blood pressure up. Even so, it was another hour and half before there was enough color in my lips that they would let me leave and even then it was with strict instructions to have someone else drive me to a friends house where I was to lay around and drink water; nothing more.

I'm really glad they got the quart out of me before I really started to lose it but I'm really sad whenever I think about going back in the future. I'd really like to contribute to the great need for donated blood but truly, that was maybe the most horrible experience I've ever had. I'm not sure I'll be able to make myself go back. Does anyone have a great success or similar horror story they would like to share?

Flashback

2008-08-19T16:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went swinging in the park; like on a playground, with 8 year old kids, swinging. Everyone thought I was crazy. I didn't care because it was glorious!

"My Family Made Me Do It!"

2008-08-17T14:36:00.000-07:00

The Oregon Coast was... interesting. It made me miss being a kid and my family. :) It was also a relief to be around a bunch of people that are as crazy as I am and realize that I'm not as weird as I, and other people, think I am. I'm just part of a family that has it's own little set of dysfunctional rules in addition to all the amazing brilliance and talent. It's nice to know that not all of it is my fault and that there are some really cool traits that come along with the less cool ones. And it's nice to know that as much as I sometimes don't want to; I'll always fit in and be unconditionally loved by family.

Congratulations!

2008-08-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

Forrest and Erin! I hope your wedding day is everything you hoped it would be. Best Wishes and many blessings to you both.

Oopies!

2008-08-12T15:18:00.001-07:00

As part of the ongoing mission to discover the source of my chronic fatigue, my doctor recently provided me with some sleep drugs to try. Her instructions to me were, "Take one pill, half an hour before bedtime." What she should have said was, "Take your pill and make sure your ass is physically in bed ready to sleep with in five minutes or your legs will collapse under you mid-tooth brush."

This majorly strong drug also had the unfortunate side effect of making me oversleep this morning so that I was late to work. Lucky for me, I'm always late to work so no one really noticed but I was deeply ashamed anyway. Needless to say, I will only be taking a half a pill tonight; right as I turn out the light.

2008-08-11T13:42:00.000-07:00

"These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which, as they kiss, consume."

Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene VI

Day 4

2008-07-30T21:16:00.000-07:00

Today improved considerably as it went a long.

Originally, I was super stressed out about having to give an oral presentation to a group of brilliant and capable colleagues but it went better than expected and I got some good feed back that I will be incorporating into my fall travel presentation. I also really enjoyed the sunshine, small group discussion and overall good company that was sprinkled throughout today's activities.

I am a little sad to be making friends with so many amazing people only to turn around and never see them again. However, I suspect I may succeed in tricking at least a hand full of them into staying in touch. YAY!

I will not be sad to say goodbye to cafeteria food. Lactose intolerance and buffet style DO NOT MIX!

Tomorrow's plan: Mission Beach with the Office Boys and a relaxing flight home. I can't wait!

Day 3

2008-07-30T21:14:00.000-07:00

I have no memory of this day. I suspect this is because my brain rebooted after it came close to exploding at the end of 12 hours of intense lecture and discussion. At least no punches were thrown during the diversity discussion.

Day 2

2008-07-28T21:30:00.000-07:00

The Padres may suck but they have a super cool sand pit you can play in during the game and interesting fans who have been known to bark at a fan or two.

Other amusing moments from the evening include: an awkward encounter with a waitress from The Tilted Kilt and a highly competitive game of shot gun, which, I lost only to find that I had actually won when the official rules for "Shotgun" were determined the following morning.

I love my job.

Day 1

2008-07-27T23:22:00.001-07:00

San Diego is great so far! I only wish I didn't care so much what other people think of me. I hope it's sunny for the Padres game tomorrow.

Snail's Pace People of the World!

2008-06-30T14:32:00.000-07:00

I have no problem with you taking a little extra time to do things. I myself enjoy leisurely strolls, a slow start to the morning and an unhurried conversation. However, whenever I happen to be lallygagging, I take take great pains to insure that my need to move a little slower does not interfere with the need of others to keep up a fast pace. Many of you could stand to put this wisdom into practice.

For example, if you feel the need to buy two cart fulls of groceries that are all organic, unmarked products and you would like to use coupons for every item you are purchasing, more power to you. Just be sure to stay the hell out of the 15 item limit line. That line is for me and all my other fast paced friends who only have five minutes left of their lunch break and still need to eat.

Also, when driving, if you should feel the need to go under the speed limit, indulge in frequent and sporadic breaking or stop for pedestrians who are illegally jay walking, please stick to the right lane. The center lane is for those of us who can't afford more expensive thrills than traveling above the speed limit with little to no interruption.

You stay in your lane and I'll stay in mine. The world will be a much happier place.

Lesson Learned

2008-06-30T12:49:00.000-07:00

So, before you start cursing your landlord and the skies above for air conditioning that doesn't work you should try flipping the off switch to on.

For Old Times Sake

2008-06-24T15:02:00.000-07:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=AXq2L0MRNC0

It's Alright, It's OK

2008-06-24T13:23:00.001-07:00

Walking to the mailbox the other day I had a life changing moment of revelation. Are you ready for it? Here it is...

"I'm ok."

At first glance this may not seem like much but take a moment to think about how many things we do in life because we don't think we're ok. I eat because I'm "not ok" being hungry, I have a job because I'm "not ok" living on the streets. I have car and health insurance in case someday my body or my car isn't ok etc. Not to be cliche but advertising thrives off convincing us of all the ways we aren't ok so that they can turn around sell us (insert product of the day) by promising us that (product) is the one thing that will finally make us ok. Don't forget to throw in a sexy lady or two because if you aren't one of these or don't have one of these there is no excuse for your existence. Messages like this can easily push us to feel like we're not ok just the way we are but we might be if...

Here are a few voices I've been known to hear directed at me: "Your taste in art and music is different than mine; you must be a devil worshiper!" "Over 99lbs! tsk. You're practically a cow!" "You get angry ? I'm sorry, you can't be a woman if your going to have feelings like that. Get rid of them immediately; especially if they might tempt you to think you're worth something and stand up for yourself!" "You don't want to get married and have babies?!! God help us, they're letting the crazies roam the streets unsupervised!"

So really, the fact I was able to hear the gentle voice of unconditional love over the constantly present ,demanding, and aggressive clamour of negative and hateful voices, is something of a miracle.

It was brief and fleeting but it was enough. Life is still not perfect. I am still far from perfect but it's ok because I am and this isn't the end.

Life Mantra

2008-06-11T12:28:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of Elizabeth Gilbert, author of this amazing book, I've decided on a new life mantra.

Of others I will ask: "I'm not perfect, please love me anyway."

For others I will remind myself: "They are not perfect, love them anyway."

And for myself: "You are not perfect but you have been forgiven. Now forgive yourself."

Boston Pictures

2008-06-11T10:08:00.000-07:00

Go Red Sox!

Admissions Team 2008

Can you decipher the secret message?

The Meet Joe Black mansion where we had dinner.

We were really happy about dinner.

Boston

2008-06-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

Boston is HOT! And traffic, as usual, is crazy. However, it is also beautiful, green, and full of young exciting and fun people. So far we've visited Rockport, the Kinsale pub, Bearskin neck and Cape Anna. I've also been inspired, challenged, and giddy. I'll keep y'all (I hear this everywhere on the East Coast) updated in more detail soon. I'm off to change for the NACAP games; whatever those are.

Sorry!

2008-05-30T12:26:00.001-07:00

Due to much work craziness and no internet access at home I have been unable to post any updates lately and I do apologize. I promise many a fun update just as soon as I return from Boston next week. And after the wedding in June.

The Lovers, the Dreamers and Me

2008-05-19T14:38:00.000-07:00

I met with a financial advisor today and other than being embarrassed at having to admit to an expert all the inexpert ways I spend my money, I enjoyed it immensely. I think a large part of my enjoyment was because this meeting is one of several new catalysts in my life for goal setting and dreaming.

I don't take time to do this enough. To ask myself (and then voice to others) the acts I want to accomplish, the person I want to be, and the places and things I want to experience. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day getting byness and forget where I meant to be headed. I don't want to lose sight of all those grand visions and castles in the clouds. I need the inspiration and rich flavoring that dreaming adds to my seemingly insignificant days. Dreaming gives me hope and reminds me of who I am.

I am an over comer and I am ready to fight back. I'm done pulling a Jonah and am on my way back to kicking asses and taking names. I will take better hold of this time given to me and I will do something good and lasting and great with it. Bring it on!

Just One of Those Days

2008-05-11T13:12:00.000-07:00

I need a hug.

Let Your Yes be Yes

2008-05-07T14:01:00.000-07:00

I agreed to teach Sunday preschool at a friend's church here in town after going over my budget and realizing that I need the $75 I will be paid for doing this "favor". "It'll be as easy as craving chocolate!" I assured myself and brashly accepted the position.

I figured that even though I said I never wanted to teach again after quitting last year, this would be an ok compromise to make under the circumstances. It's just three Sundays for half an hour each time (which is a significant improvement from the 60+ hours a week I used to work) and I'll be paid. Also, I'm great at it. There's no reason to say no.

However, I fear that I may have greatly underestimated the depth of my burn out and the strength of my fiery hatred for all things teaching. I guess sometimes you don't know how much you don't want to do something until you do it.

Any ideas on how I can get motivated to make lesson plans? Or at the very least get motivated to show up on Sunday?

Success!

2008-04-30T13:28:00.001-07:00

It's nice to know that what you do for a living matters. Today I finally found proof that I have personally recruited one student to our University.

An essay written by a student who recently attended our scholarship competition weekend reads:

"One memory that still sticks with me today is when a representative from WUcame to my high school in Oregon. I remember walking into the Career Center to see a smiling young woman who greeted me with a firm handshake. Right then I knew that this was someone who was friendly but also very eager to leave a lasting impression. She did, as WU is my top choice for a University today."

The best part is that I actually remember meeting this student and seeing as how she's an awesome student I'm pretty stoked that she'll be on campus next fall. It must have been my stellar handshake.

Praise God from Whom all GPS's Flow

2008-04-23T22:15:00.000-07:00

Traveling with a GPS system has made a world of difference in my travels. I now have the confidence and freedom to eat better food, shop, coffee myself into a coma and take spur of the moment detours. Today I used my new best friend to find a local coffee shop where I bought a fabulous herbal blend and pesto bagel for under $3. The shop had an artsy laid back ambiance and I spent a good hour reading, drinking tea and listening to fantastic jazz music.

As an added bonus, GPS systems also improve self esteem because you feel really smart for being able to follow directions and multi-task.

I'm excited to try GPSing out in San Francisco this Friday.

"It Might Be Fun"

2008-04-21T23:16:00.000-07:00

For a variety of good reasons I spent a good portion of last week dreading my trip to California. In an attempt to trick myself into optimism I've repeating "It might be fun" to myself almost hourly to no avail. The dread remained and yesterday's rocky start seemed to confirm my worst fears that I was in for a very long, lonely week.

Today, however, my trip took a turn for the better. A wonderful college rep. from University of San Diego took pity on me and helped me carry my piles of boxes (thanks Jim) to the fair location giving us ample time for chatting and friend making. This put me in an excellent mood which allowed me to have a sense of humor when I found out shortly thereafter that the fair heads weren't expecting me. Because of some clerical snafu they never received my registration and didn't have a table or materials set up for me. The real tragedy though is not being included in the list of schools attending that is handed out to all students who attend the fairs so they know to look for us. I resolved to be charming enough that everyone would want to talk to me regardless of our lack of listing.

Bolstered by my success in having made a friend so early in the week, I informed the woman in charge that I was here to stay and demanded a table and bottled water. She provided the table and forgot the water, giving me an excellent opportunity to make friend number 2 . I convinced the cute UPS rep to give me one of his two bottles.

As far as fairs go, this one was pretty slow but that ended up working to my advantage since it left me time to talk and make more friends which I did. K from University of Montana and I made a pact to be lunch/shopping/sun lounging buddies and between the two of us we managed to rope some fun (and cute) reps. from Jamaica and Mexico into hanging out with us at the complementary dinner. After much laughter we all promised to meet up at tomorrow's fair for more fun and I'm looking forward to it.

I topped my successful social day off with a lengthy impromptu drive through San Francisco (I stubbornly tried to drive through downtown on my way the the Golden Gate Bridge and got lost) that added about an hour to my evening. Luckily I had my trusty GPS with me and was able to get to my hotel without too much trouble. All in all, today was a really fun day. Who would have guessed that where I failed to trick myself into having fun, Jesus would sneak in and make things actually fun?

I Made It!

2008-04-21T00:31:00.001-07:00

Two plane flights, no dinner, some turbulence, nausea and a CD-less car ride later I am in California finally on my way to bed.

Best Office Game Ever!

2008-04-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

Clipboard Tennis.

Just grab a partner, two clipboards and several sheets of paper from the recycling bin. Ball up the paper and wrap it in scotch tape. Your goal is to keep the ball from hitting the ground. The more people and inanimate objects you can get involved the better.

I guarantee you won't regret trying it.

On the Road Again

2008-04-09T16:22:00.000-07:00

It looks like my roommates and I found a house just in time as I will begin traveling again in a few weeks. Thank you to all of you who offered up prayers on our behalf. Our new home is wonderful and we'll be sure to have you all over soon!

Here is my line up for spring and summer travel:

San Francisco, CA and the Bay Area
Seattle, WA
Portland, OR
Boston, MA
Possibly Hawaii
San Diego, CA
Yachats, OR

Fun activities I have planned include; visiting friends, more weddings, museums, museums, museums, Golden Gate Park, Beacon Hill, The Boston Public Library and the San Diego Zoo.

Have I left out any must sees?

Sometimes I Want to Hit People

2008-04-08T15:42:00.001-07:00

If they don't park inside the yellow lines
For being selfish or, just as bad, thoughtless
When they drive below the speed limit in the fast lane
For their inability to be self-reflect
When they take my favorite things without asking
If they assume I will do things for them; especially unpleasant things

Do you think I'm being too hard on them?

Out of the Mouths of Babes

2008-04-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

I discovered this little nugget of wisdom today in the essay of a prospective student:

"A good support system is essential in developing one's character. It allows them to take steps they would normally be afraid to take on their own, and provides them with the support to follow through with such endeavors. [Faith gives you] the ability to take risks and step out of one's comfort zone, because you know that you have the support to back you up, and that you will come out of the situation not only unharmed, but also stronger."

While I disagree that trusting Christ and His followers is guaranteed to leave us unharmed, I am grateful to be reminded by this student that I will not be overcome. It is good to hear again that there is an unchanging love to hold me steady in the darkness and that because of this support and the promise of future glory, I have a reason to keep trying and believing.

Tick Tock

2008-03-29T19:09:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been haunted by a particularly nasty feeling of crazed restlessness. A couple of days ago I was able to narrow down at least part of this insistent voice to a very real desire for one of these:

Unfortunately for me, I need one of these...

...first.

Any useful tips on how to find and secure a quality member of the above species are welcome.

2008-03-28T16:28:00.000-07:00

More Red Headed silliness.

Also,

2008-03-24T23:50:00.000-07:00

If you could please pray for my roommates and I. We think we may have found an amazing house but there are some details still to work out including getting our application picked over the others that have been submitted and financial details.

We really just want to be in the right place at the right time for the right price. I know, I for one, need a little help trusting in God that He has a good safe place for us where healing and fruit bearing can happen in and around us.

Will you please join us in praying to find our way into the right home? And that, if possible, we might find it soon. Thank you!

How I Wasted 3 Hours of my Life

2008-03-24T23:09:00.000-07:00

This game is the devil.

Quarter of a Century!

2008-03-22T15:05:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have not spent your birthday in Idaho at a country bar, may I just say, "you are seriously missing out."

I had a wonderful birthday celebration yesterday replete with laughter and fun and a Keg race to boot! Don't worry it didn't involve downing a keg like I originally feared. I just had to sit on the keg and look pretty while my partner did the hard work of pushing us (me and the keg on wheels) across the dance floor, around the pole and back to the stage. Despite a rough start in which my keg tried to buck me (or was that my partner?), my team clinched an easy victory over our seriously inebriated competitors.

Other highlights of the night include; Dancing!, Not having to pay for anything, getting a CD and packet of matches from the MC just because it was my birthday, laughing with friends about creepy tambourine man and his dancing, flirting with the many good looking men in our party and last but not least, a cheering contest that required cramming as many people as possible on top of our table to scream at the top of our lungs in the hope of winning a round of free shots for the group. We lost.

I also had a wonderful dinner out with friends and presents at the 'oh so good' Steamplant Grill pre-Idaho extravaganza that blessed me in so many ways. I cherish the opportunity to eat good food and spend time talking with the people that I love.

Thanks to all of you who called, sent presents, drove me around, bought me dinner, treated me to a drink, danced my silly dances with me or were just generally kind to me as I tried to make my peace with reaching this milestone.

Here's to hoping that the 25th year is everything I dream it can be!

Girls Night In

2008-03-09T23:28:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went and rented a sappy romantic drama and a Brad Pitt staple from Blockbuster, bought a terribly unhealthy double bacon cheese burger dinner from my good friend J in the B, treated myself to some of my favorite libations and stayed home with my phone off watching movies and painting my nails. It was heaven.

The High Low Game

2008-03-06T22:25:00.000-08:00

Lows:

Finding out that, most likely, I do owe the IRS $300. I can't really afford that.
Learning that I'm no closer to my goal weight now, than when I started exercising two months ago.

Highs:

Being treated to a surprise dinner by a generous neighbor and friend.
Getting an e-mail from my Dad.

Life's To Do List

2008-03-05T14:34:00.000-08:00

Sometime in the next two months I need to:

Move
Talk the IRS into letting me keep $300
Plan and host one bridal shower and a bachelorette gathering
Update my drivers license and tabs
Be a bridesmaid in a different wedding than the one I'm planning parties for
Travel to California, Portland and Boston for college fairs
Do my Taxes
Celebrate my Birthday

eeep!

Home Sweet Home

2008-03-03T22:29:00.000-08:00

Well, it looks like I will be moving yet again.

I would welcome any tips/options for housing that I (and possibly 3 other people) could get in on within the next month or so.

Lunch Break

2008-02-27T15:06:00.000-08:00

Today I was able to cross an item off my Bucket List:

Get a free meal from a restaurant.

Next on the list; Get a free meal from a restaurant because the guy behind the counter thinks I'm hot, not because he messed up my order.

Insomnia

2008-02-25T21:21:00.000-08:00

Draft One

I've been trying not to see your face.
I want to seal you safely behind glass and wood.
Religate you to rainy day status like you've already done to me.

But tonight I can't sleep.
And so
I'm trapped here with your startling eyes looking into me.
And I'm not ready to see.

Bas-boo-sa

2008-02-24T21:14:00.000-08:00

I had my first Arabic language and Sudanese culture class today.

It began well. We started with eating. One of my teachers, whom we call Mimi, is a beautiful Sudanese woman who is writing a cookbook containing traditional Sudanese recipes. As her students, we have the privilege of taste testing her fabulous recipes. Today she prepared Bam-Yah Okrah)for us. Bam-Yah is a deliciously spicy rice, vegetable, and beef medley that is flavored with a type of cloves I didn't know existed but could easily grow to love; cardamon. Are any of you familiar with this ingredient? If you are, do you happen to have any idea about how to use it or at least how to spell it correctly?

We also had a fantastic dessert which, predictably, turned out to be my favorite dish both because of its taste and pronunciation. Bas-boo-sa is a very sweet cake of a grainy texture that combines cream of wheat, egg, yogurt, coconut, almond flakes and a home-made syrup glaze to make a delicious and light (but filling) treat. It was the perfect finishing touch to a savory and spicy meal.

The class has promised to send us the recipes by e-mail this week. I promise to pass along my favorites as I discover them.

The second section of class involved learning sounds for the Arabic alphabet. This was quite a challenge as the most common phrase I heard from our teacher, Faisal, was some variation of, "There is no english equivalent for this sound. You do not have this sound in your language." How incredibly fascinating to try learning something new without a familiar point of reference. Struggling to learn these sounds re-awoke in me a passion for language and the miracle of the spoken word.

We followed up this verbal portion of class with what I interpreted to be a grammar and writing lesson. We practiced writing (right to left) characters and adding signs (or what I interpret to be similar to accents) to them in order to change their pronunciation. At this point my brain almost exploded. I was grateful when we moved on to the next section of class in which we learned some things about the Sudanese culture and wedding traditions. How fitting, as recently, much of my free time has been occupied with the details of planning for the multiple weddings I will be making an appearance in this spring and summer.

I was enthralled to learn that in many tribes in southern Sudan a man wishing to marry a woman must pay her family in cows. The more beautiful the woman is to him, the more cows he will offer. Can you imagine the horror of being the woman who only fetches a one cow proposal?

We also discussed the legal and religious foundations for Sudanese men being allowed up to four wives and what managing four wives might look like on a practical level. Can you imagine the stress of keeping four wives emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually satisfied while at the same time keeping them from fighting with each other? It was really interesting to hear Tarig talk about how husbands are very careful to give equal gifts to all wives and to set schedules giving a wife her own day so as to maintain harmony. What different values from ours in America must dictate a system like that.

I also learned that in the Sudanese culture it is not unusual for both single and unmarried men and women to live with their parents. In fact, what would be unusual in their culture would be for someone to leave home to live on their own. When this happens people often wonder what that person has done to offend the family and get thrown out. Another interesting idea to mull around.

Despite being outrageously difficult to learn, I am very interested in the Arabic language. It is beautiful to write and to hear spoken and I am looking forward to class next Sunday. That is, of course, assuming I can get my homework done before then.

How Do You Figure?

2008-02-24T21:10:00.000-08:00

I got a nice little note in the mail from the IRS the other day informing me that I owe the government roughly $300. I'm pretty confident that they are wrong. The trick is going to be proving it.

Retraction

2008-02-22T13:01:00.001-08:00

I learned, today, that my earlier assessment of how many students missed the question regarding Rwanda was in error. Only a fourth of the population missed the question, as opposed to the 90% that I originally claimed. I apologize for the inaccurate information. However, I still hold that even 25% is too large a percentage when it comes to being unaware of racial genocide.

The Best and The Brightest

2008-02-20T13:06:00.000-08:00

Recently, our University invited its top scholars from various high schools around the NW to campus for a two day competition. This is a big deal because at the end of the weekend two full ride scholarships are awarded. Part of this competition includes a 185 question test on a variety of fun topics. Today we began grading these tests and I found myself both horrified and amused by some of the answers I read.

I was horrified to learn that only 10 out of 100 students are aware of the fact that in 1994 over 800,000 people were murdered over a 90 day stretch in the country of Rwanda. I was also upset to note that only 3 students know that (as of February 5, 2008) roughly 4,000 US soldiers have died in the war in Iraq. But what's worse is that on top of getting this question wrong, all the guesses (on a multiple choice question) were at least 1,300 less than the reality. So now students are not only uninformed about war casualties but under the false impression that the damage being done is far less than it really is.

Fortunately for me and my blood pressure there were also a fair amount of amusing answers that helped to keep me sane.

For example, I bet you didn't know...

Virgil not Homer is the author of the epic poem The Odyssey

Stalin is the current President of Russia

Red, white and blue are the colors of the German flag

Spiders, cows and elephants are some of the animals most commonly found in the Chinese calendar

The Mona Lisa is missing her teeth

Al Gore is still running for President

And November 22, 1963 is the date marking the famous US historical event of Thanksgiving; not to be confused with the JFK assassination.

I'm concerned for America's future.

Yes, I've Been Tagged!

2008-02-18T21:30:00.000-08:00

Multipurpose Purse Contents (in no particular order)

1. Red leather Lodis wallet stuffed with cards, receipts and some uncashed checks

2. Vaseline for protecting minor cuts, scrapes and burns

3. Razzle Dazzle Blueberry Germ Blaster hand sanitizer

4. One trail mix granola bar, two receipts, one parking stub, two sets of keys, a Faculty Scholarship Competition itinerary and a handfull of empty gum wrappers

5. My handy dandy self charging flashlight (Christmas gift from my aunt Suzy)

6. Two ChapStiks, one bubble gum Lip Smacker, one Avon Island vibe and one CO bigelow Mentha Lip Tint

7. A pen I stole from work

8. My work name tag

9. Another pen I stole from work

10. My pink monogrammed pocket knife

11. Island Punch lipstick

12. Two pairs of earrings, one bracelet, a pad and some loose change

13. Gum

14. Two more pens that I apparently also stole from work

15. Make that three more

16. Cell phone charger

17. A Band Aid

18. A thermometer

19. A Portland parking pass receipt

20. A mysterious key

21. Mints

22. An unidentifiable pill that I don't remember ascertaining

23. A hair clip

25. Blue tooth

Usually I have a pair of high heels, a water bottle and a lunch in there too but I just cleaned things out today.

I tag Christina, Elizabeth and Sharla

Fact or Fiction

2008-02-18T21:10:00.000-08:00

"I nominally have [a place of my own] and am nominally master of the house, but things seldom go as I would have chosen. The truth is that the only alternatives are either solitude (with all it's miseries and dangers, both moral and physical) or else all the rubs and frstrations of a joint life. The second, even at its worst seems to me far the better."

C.S. Lewis
Letters to an American Lady

"[Senior devil Screwtape to junior devil Wormwood:] Humans who have not the gift of continence can be deterred from seeking marriage as a solution because they do not find themselves "in love," and, thanks to us, the idea of marrying with any other motive seems to them low and cynical. Yes, they think that. They regard the intention of loyalty to a partnership for mutual help, for the preservation for chastity, and for the transmission of life, as something lower than a storm of emotion."

C.S. Lewis
The Screwtape Letters

A Little Advice

2008-02-05T13:09:00.001-08:00

If ever an attractive male should come to your house to deliver your bed and you would like to be able to flirt a little and still maintain your dignity, I suggest that you avoid leaving your copy of The Soul of Sex lying in the middle of the floor in plain sight.

While it may give your handsome delivery man cause to smirk and flirt back with comments such as "Don't get too excited, it's just a full", it will not, I repeat NOT, allow you to keep your dignity.

Life in Community

2008-02-04T22:24:00.000-08:00

It can be messy living with other people but there is something invaluable about the kind and wise words of sisters in Christ offered at just the right time that I sorely missed when I was living and traveling alone.

Thank you Jesus for the amazing way you extend grace to me in the lives of faithful believers as their paths cross mine. May I be able to offer the same gift.

More Great Quotes

2008-01-21T21:56:00.000-08:00

"The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention." -Richard Moss

"It's how you deal with failure that determines how you achieve success." David Feherty

2008-01-21T21:36:00.000-08:00

"What does she want, volcanic Venus, as she goes fuming round? What does she want? She says she wants a lover, but don't you believe her. She's seething like a volcano and volcanos don't want lovers." - D.H. Lawrence

FYI

2008-01-14T23:12:00.000-08:00

I adore my sister! I'm pretty sure we're actually twins. We were just accidently born three years apart.

Broken

2008-01-13T22:20:00.000-08:00

Why is it so hard to admit that we don't have it all together? And why is it so easy for us to believe that others do?

Why not admit the truth? Perhaps the pain of being broken wouldn't seem so bad if we allowed ourselves to be broken together. "I'm not perfect. Please love me anyway," seems straightforward enough.

The tricky thing about being broken though, is that it tends to lead to more breaking. Instead of bringing us together we often use our brokenness to isolate ourselves or others so we can bare our shame alone. Hidden. Guarded. Safe. But not loved. Not free.

I'd rather love and be loved. I'd rather be free.

Victory!

2008-01-12T19:28:00.000-08:00

I bought a bed! A real one with a mattress and box spring. All I have to do is wait for the second half of my order to come in and then I can start sleeping in luxury. :) It's about time.

Home Sweet Home?

2008-01-06T18:17:00.000-08:00

Going home for the holidays is a bit of a mixed bag. Especially when one's family tries to fit four families, three cities, two Christmas'and a New Year party into one week.

While I had a lot of fun during my week with family I also experienced a great deal of annoyance, sadness, rage and frustration. Sometimes, seeing my family feels like visiting a peaceful oasis and I leave home refreshed and inspired. Other times, it feels like I've been thrown to the lions and I leave feeling confused, guilty and grateful to have survived.

Mostly I think that this is probably normal but occasionally I wonder if I'm missing something. If there isn't some lesson I should be learning, some thing I shouldn't be saying, some action I should be doing that would guarantee that home is always a safe place.

Then again, maybe no place, home or otherwise, is ever really safe. Maybe that's just a hard reality that we get to face as adults. And maybe once we accept it as fact, we can stop working so hard to hide from the bad and instead can move forward with purpose looking to redemption and peace. But I personally find that so hard!

Maybe it's the optimist/perfectionist in me but it just doesn't sit well with me that there is pain and suffering in all the places I love best. I long for a life free from it. Perhaps this is what Paul talks about in Philippians when he says he is hard pressed between departing this sinful world to be with Jesus and the need to stay behind laboring for the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth. Like Paul, I long for perfection. For perfect love to reign and for me to be under it's safe fold. I ache for a world where we are free and I am broken and angered and hurt to see all the places this world I live in falls short. It is very hard not to despair. I long to be with perfection in heaven but He calls me to be here now and therein lies my angst.

How am I supposed to live when there is so much suffering and pain? How am I supposed to love when it will always be a broken love? How am I supposed to work for justice when the work will never be done? How can I smile when I know I will be crying tomorrow? And yet that is our call as Christians. To be in the world and not of it. To be seekers of peace and instruments of justice in a hurting world and, most importantly, to hurting people. We are commanded to be lights in the darkness, the salt of the earth and messengers of hope in the face of great evil. This is our call. This is my call. And I am overcome by the impossibility of it.

If no place on earth is safe, if no place here offers love unending, if I can never call any place my home, how am I to live? How will I live?

I feel like that is the question before me. And much depends on the answer. In light of God's call and in light of this world's brokenness, how will I choose to live?

Will I constantly grasp after small moments of imitation and distraction trying to shut out the world until the inevitable sneaks up on me? Or will I finally turn to face the truth and make my peace with it so that I can live with power and purpose?

Will earth or heaven be my home?

Bah Humbug!

2007-12-26T10:50:00.001-08:00

I find myself being a real Scrooge this Christmas. Any suggestions?

Huh?

2007-12-17T17:01:00.000-08:00

What do I do with a kid who writes "I have also lettered in acedimics" under honors and awards on their application?

I Had Another Dream

2007-12-14T13:29:00.000-08:00

In this fun fantasy I am the guardian of a magical penguin named Marcel. Unfortunately for me and Marcel we live in San Francisco and a huge tsunami hits burying the city. No worries though, Marcel is magical remember and he just alters every one's DNA so that we can all live underwater.

I spend the rest of the dream marveling at how people are living half in and out of the water. A man in glasses bikes by just under the surface completely oblivious to the fact that his whole reality has just been changed. I then start to freak out because my cute little buddy Marcel is packing some seriously cool powers which means I am seriously in over my head (no pun intended) protecting him. Marcel cheers me up by taking me to surf the ice caps together. Just me and my magical penguin Marcel taking on the entire atlantic ocean.